Sunday, February 12, 2006


It seems that everyday sucks more than yesterday, and it's oscillating towards some epitome of suck, somewhere. I don't know if this epitome is an asymptote of suck, or a sharp plateau or what, but it's going to suck a lot.

Here are some different models for suck:

s(x) = 1/x
In the asymptotic model of suck, suck gradually increases, day-by-day, with the present amount of suck =s(x). The ultimate suck moment occurs at 0, where in everything sucks infinitely, and it sucks so much that it neither sucks nor doesn't suck. After the instance of ultimate suck, things rapidly climb up, increasing in suck again, but never sucking as much as before.

s(x) = x
In the linear model of suck, suck gradually increases, at a constant rate, forever. The increase in suck becomes so redundant that you kill yourself before you get very far on it. The torture! There is no instance of ultimate suck here, the whole thing just sucks. There is, notably, a moment of suck-genesis at (0,0), where all suck is born from negative suck.

s(x) = -x^2 + S
In the parabolic model of suck, suck rapidly increases throughout one's life, although is not noticed until it exceeds zero. S is the amount of suck at the instance of ultimate suck, which really sucks. I don't think this model's very realistic.

s(x) = tan(x)
In the tangental model of suck, suck has an asmptotic increase in suck every n*PI+PI/2=x. This sucks a lot, but there's not much that can be done about it. Each of these instances of suck is an ultimate instance of suck, where after things suck less until they rapidly approach zero, and once they cross the zero line again, things head right back up the path of sucking again.

s(x) = sin(x)
In the sinusoidal model of suck, things suck steadily, and then steadily drop off. I don't like this model quite as much.

s(x) = ln(x)
In the logarithmic model of suck, suck begins to increase at birth. At x=1, things start to really suck and continue to do so until you die.

All of these models suck. I think you would agree. Suck sucks too much to be modeled with sucky models. Math sucks too. School sucks. Robots suck. I suck. Life sucks. Earth sucks. Space sucks. Black holes suck. Prostitues suck. The whole universe sucks.

This sucks.


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