Monday, February 13, 2006

The Letter "E"

The letter "E" is a diminuitive. Of the vowels of the English language, it is the shittiest. The sound produced by "e" is always weak, or even silent.

If you've forgotten from phonics, vowels have two sounds. There's the long "e," which sounds like the "name" of the letter, and there's the short sound, in this case sounding like an "eh." Long "e" has a very whiny sound, say it aloud. Don't you feel whineeeeeee? Short "e" on the other hand is the "eh," sound, the sound someone makes when something exceeds their strength, and their effort fails. "Eh, I drop my books because I'm a weak ass."

Let's take a look at some words with the "e."

In the word "weak," it produces an onomatopoeia.

The name "Ernie" is the peak of whiny "e." "er" is another weak noise that "e" produces, and in conjunction with the long "e" at the end, it sounds like someone is crying every time they say the name. ERRRRnIEEEEEEEEEE.

"Weenie" is a word that also epitomes whine as well, but not quite like "Ernie." It is also an onomatopoeia.

There are exceptions to this rule, I admit it. For example, take the word "terminator." It begins with an "er" vowel sound. Notice, however, the conclusion with "or," a very ominous sound. The "ter," at the beginning, seems to be terminated by the "ator" at the end of the word. Awesome, huh?

What about the word awesome? It has an "e," yet is so awesome. It has two, infact. This brings up another sound the letter "e" makes, silence. Although it's the most used letter in the English language, most of the time, it doesn't even produce it's own sound. It just changes the sounds of other vowels. The "e's" in "awesome" do not even produce sounds, thereby allowing for awesome to maintain its awesomeness.

So, if you want to sound awesome, avoid the letter "e." But if you want to be a little bitch, whine a lot.

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