Friday, December 23, 2005

Holiday Santa

A new fad in the politcally correct world is to celbrate "holidays." It's all Chrismahanakwanzadan, and there is no breaking of the syllables of that world to let out some sanity. For example, Secret Santa is now Secret Snowman. What the fuck is that supposed to mean? Snowmen don't hand out presents, Santa does. In fact, they should have just left it as Santa; Santa has nothing to do with Christmas. He could be applied to any religion's holiday, perhaps with some minor cultural changes.

Muslim Santa
Muslim Santa has a black beard. He rides through the night in a chariot drawn by camels, screaming "Allah Akbar!" and completing a glorious Jihad by day break. At the end of his journey, he straps on C4 and flies into a skyscraper.

Jewish Santa
Jewish Santa is circumsized. He hates his job because he has to deliver one present per night over a period of twelve nights. Before he can complete his task, Muslim Santa runs into him, and he is killed.

Pagan Santa
Pagan Santa starts the night as a baby and, by the end of the night, becomes an old man and dies.

Mormon Santa
Mormon Santa has 10 wives. He never delivers presents because he loses them, instead delivering cheap immitations, such as a translated copy of the Book of Mormon, having lost the original gold tablets.

Communist Santa
Communist Santa gives all the children the same presents, then takes their parents away to labor for the collective. Hail the State!

Hindu Santa
Hindu Santa has an arm for every child on earth. He uses that arm to give them presents.

Gay Santa
The two Mr. Clauses deliver dildos and lubricants for all.

Ok, that's it, I quit. This is going to far off the comedic deep end.


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