Saturday, December 24, 2005

Conversations with Santa

I meet SANTA...
SantaClaus: Ho, ho, ho! Santa here again.
I'm on my way and typing and flying isn't so easy! I'm just heading into Eastern Europe now and I want to make extra sure all of my AIM helpers got my holiday tip:
You can WIN an MP3 player and get FREE playlists sent from MusicNowPlaylist! Just IM it and opt in!
This is the last you'll hear from me until next year so, MERRY CHRISTMAS!
Dolus Occuli: Go run into a building, fatass
SantaClaus: Hey. Its you again. I'm packed and on my way! R U spreading that Christmas spirit?
Dolus Occuli: I'm teaching you proper English. It's "Are you spreading..." dipshit.
SantaClaus: Maybe.
Dolus Occuli: No, it is
SantaClaus: O.K. then. Well, have a merry Christmas in any case.
Dolus Occuli: yea, go fuck yourself
SantaClaus: Hmm, that's a lump of coal for you.
Dolus Occuli: yea, give me 800, I need them to warm my house
SantaClaus:
What truly makes a home is more than Santa could ever bring. It's the family you live with that makes anyplace we place we live special. If you've got a loving family, you have more than you know.
Dolus Occuli: yea, well go fuck yourself, fly out of the atmosphere and explode

Later...
SantaClaus: Hey. Welcome back. The big night is finally here! You getting in that holiday spirit?
Dolus Occuli: nope
SantaClaus: That's not good. I think you should opt in NOW to get your own playlist and a chance to WIN an MP3 player from AOL Music Now.
Or just type menu to see the fun and games the elves have put together for you.
Dolus Occuli: I think you're a commercial entity
SantaClaus: You're very welcome!
Dolus Occuli: capitalist whore
SantaClaus: Hmm, that's a lump of coal for you.
Dolus Occuli: I think you have a big dick
SantaClaus: My goodness. You've earned another lump of coal. I'm sorry but this is the last warning and lump of coal I can promise you. Any more cursing and I'll have to stop talking to you. Please, type menu; let's try to get in the Christmas spirit.
Dolus Occuli: I need coal to warm my house, please give me some more
SantaClaus:
What makes a home is more than four walls and a roof. It's the family you live with that makes anyplace we place we live special. If you've got a loving family, you have more than I could ever bring.
Dolus Occuli: that was gay, stop talking sentimental, forward e-mail bullshit to me and address the facts; coal is a useful material, and you act like it's dog shit. The fact of the matter is, some societies depend on coal, and you're insulting them.
SantaClaus:
What else is at the top of your list?
Dolus Occuli: Your death
SantaClaus: What would your final Christmas wish be?
Dolus Occuli: for you to run out oxygen in the upper atmosphere, freeze to death, and run aground like a giant squid
SantaClaus: Ho Ho Ho! All right, that gives me lots to go on! Why don't you type, "poll" and vote for your favorite holiday song.
Dolus Occuli: How about no, douche
SantaClaus:
Well you could try putting your finger on the side of your nose -- but it took me 400 years of practice.
Dolus Occuli: wow, you've got down syndrome
SantaClaus: Wonderful!

I cut myself off from Santa
Dolus Occuli: Hey
SantaClaus:
Hello again.
Dolus Occuli: go fuck yourself
SantaClaus: I don't respond to that kind of language.
A lump of coal for you.
Dolus Occuli: yea, well give me another ass face
SantaClaus: O.K. so you've earned yourself another lump of coal. I just won't be able to talk to you if you persist with this language. Please, type menu; let's try to get in the Christmas spirit.
Dolus Occuli: I'll persist if I want shit bag
SantaClaus: O.K. I don't want to do this any more. We're all very busy and the elves just won't stand for me wasting any more time with this language. I cannot talk to you any longer.
Dolus Occuli: don't
SantaClaus: Santa has signed off from this IM and is busy talking to other girls and boys now. You can always come back later in the day if you would like to speak with Santa again.
Dolus Occuli: dipshit, go fuck off
SantaClaus: Santa has returned to his workshop and is offline. You can come back later in the day and speak with him again.

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