Thursday, November 24, 2005

SAT Tips

  • Get stoned the night before. Even better, get stoned imemediately before.
  • Get drunk the night before. This way, you'll have a hang over and vomit during the test.
    • Just in case you don't puke, bring syrup of epitaph with you. Syrup of epitaph is a weak poison that induces vomiting. Typically, it is used to prevent digestion of toxins in an emergency. I think it will work well for preventing mental digestion of a thick test full of bullshit.
  • Smoke during the test. Your scores will improve.
  • Hum, whistle, and do anything the proctors tell you to stop.
  • Masturbate during the test.
  • Hit on a hot girl near by during the test.
  • Bring blood capsules and spit up blood during the test.
  • Sing your favourite song, or, even better, have a boom box do it for you.
  • Urinate or deficate--with your pants down. Stand up, piss on the test, and sit down and resume testing.
  • Start hammering nails into the desk you are sitting at.
  • Scream. Loudly.
  • Obtain a 0/2400 (n.b. you recieve 200 points free. To do this, you must answer every single question wrong.)

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