Sunday, July 24, 2005

Rock, Paper, Scissors, Penis, Vagina, Anus

Rock-paper-scissors: the divine logic, a triad of cancelation.

  • Rock beats scissors because if I pound a pair of scissors with a rock, they break.
  • Scissors beats paper because scissors are designed to cut paper.
  • Paper beats rock because it can cover the rock (although that damage isn't permanent, we'll leave it at that).

To remove the personality from this scheme it goes:
A > B > C > A
There is no superpower; there is no end. The rock, paper, and scissors form a paradoxical circle that is perfect for putting the decision in a certain person's hands.

Then, the game became corrupted. Someone added dynamite.

  • Dynamite beats rock because it is capable of completely leveling rock.
  • Dynamite beats paper because, well, it does.
  • Scissors beat dynamite because they can cut the fuse.

So, dynamite is beatable, but it has an advantage. Consider this:








RockPaperScissorsDynamite
RockNSPaperRockDynamite
PaperPaperNSScissorsDynamite
ScissorsRockScissorsNSScissors
DynamiteDynamiteDynamiteScissorsNS
See? Look at the grotesque advantage dynamite has! What kind of evil cheating fuck thought of this?

But then it gets worse! Let me introduce you to rainstorm. This fuckbag cannot lose.

  • Rainstorm beats rock because rocks get worn down by water.
  • Rainstorm beats paper because the paper turns into soggy lumps of crap.
  • Rainstorm beats scissors because the scissors rust.
  • Rainstorm beats dynamite because it puts the fuse out.

Nice job asshole, you just cheated your way all the way to fucking victory. Hope you have fun with no friends, because I'm not going to be friends with a slime ball douche like you.

I know what I'll do; I'll make my own version with rock, paper, scissors, penis, anus, and vagina.



  • Rock beats penis because beating a penis with a rock hurts.
  • Penis beats paper because paper makes a nice depository for semen.
  • Scissors beats penis...
  • When a penis meets a penis, both players lose because they're gay in a homophobic society.
  • When penis meets anus, I don't know who wins.
  • Vagina beats penis because it covers the penis.

  • Rock beats vagina for the same reason as penis.
  • Vagina beats paper for about a week every month.
  • Scissors beat vagina...
  • I don't know when a vagina would ever meet an anus.
  • Vagina/vagina produces the same result as penis/penis.

  • Rock beats anus because rocks can cause physical blockage.
  • Anus beats paper because paper is used as a wiping instrument.
  • Scissors beat anus because a pair of scissors could seriously injure an anus.
  • Anus/anus... see vagina/anus.
As far as hand signs, you can make some up or just actually show the parts. In the case of the latter, hermaphrodites will have an easier time playing this game.

Have fun, and enjoy the fucked up ruin of the beautiful A < B < C < A loop of divinity.

It's like the recycling logo, now that I think of it.

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