Saturday, April 30, 2005

The Late April Postulate

I've been thinking a lot lately.

I usually do, but as of late, it's in random bits like this. Palahnuik style.

Yep, that's right. I'm thinking Palahnuik style.

It's from reading his books and it's not intentional. I always do this. I absorb the mindset of a book whenever I read it. It's irritating; I don't just read books, my mind begins to pattern itself like the books. I first did this when I was little, my brain would keep me trapped in "Turn to page 302 if you piss your pants. Turn to page 192 if you crap your pants." I found these patterns very annoying.

Only lately I realized how useful my skill is. I didn't realize I was abosorbing the books.
I like the way Palahnuik sets me; I think I'll read his books over and over to permanently keep my mind in a state of Palahnuik.


Tuesday, April 26, 2005

Valve Rox

I love Valve. I both respect them and have confidence in their products.

Half-Life 2 is one of the best games ever made. The game itself's quality is state-of-the-art, and no game within years will match it... except maybe Half-Life 3, which I can be sure will beat it.

What makes me so confident in their company is not just the game quality, but in the return you get for purchasing their product. For example, Half-Life 2: Aftermath, another chapter for Half-Life 2, is being released this summer for free. I don't have to pay a cent. Valve is doing this just to please their customers, and just because they did that, I'll buy Half-Life 3.

Play Valve. It pays.

Monday, April 18, 2005

Let's Raise the Test Scores!

School boards, administrators, and principals, the geniuses that run our school. Their wise policies guide us to greatness. Really, they do. For example, they want to start school at 6 am. Great plan. That way, their exhausted students can fail the tests they strive so hard for them to pass. What a great idea!

Oh well, these are the guys who think actually raising tests scores means kids are actually learning more/are more eduacated/are intelligent.

Wednesday, April 13, 2005

Alan Brinkley is a Jackass

Alan Brinkley is a dickhead with a PhD in history. He wrote my history book for school. I do not like Alan Brinkley.

For example, let's analyze Brinkley's writings on the New Deal in "American History: A Survey (Eleventh Edition)." In chapter 25, Brinkley sympathizes for President Hoover, basically saying that, "Oh, he did a lot of stuff to help and try the depression. Really, he tried really hard." In chapter 26, Brinkley attacks FDR's New Deal, claiming that, "The New Deal didn't do anything at all. It was worthless and socialist and FDR sucked. I mean, ok, it did a little bit, but not really. World War II fixed the problem."

Oooh, then when he writes about (this is a real quote this time), "The displays of courage began with the heroism of firefigheres and rescue workers in New York City, who unhesitatingly plunged into the burning towers of the World Trade Center..." (Brinkley 949-950). If this isn't biased writing, then I have no opinions.

Of course, the author's best choice for a photo of supporters of the Kyoto Climate Treaty on page 943 features a bunch of people dressed up in bear outfits.

I haven't read the more modern stuff, but I know it's going to piss me off more. I'll probally add to this pile of shit later.

Brinkley, if you'd like to chat, send me an e-mail.

Sunday, April 10, 2005

If You Can't Fit the Sardines In a Can, Get A Second Can And Stuff Them In The First!!!!!!!111111111 SMARTZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZ

Osbourn High School's admirable, genius ranking, omniscient, omnipotent adminsistration has made the wise and wonderful decision to close down the back parking lot of the school. I must commend them, it is probably the best thing I have seen them do all year long.

Seriously, they are doing the greatest thing ever. Since a significant number of students park there, and the front lots are full, it is obviously a good idea to have them park up front. I mean, who wouldn't do that? If you have bucket of water that's full, and you need to get more water in it, you pour full one. Then, the water floats above the top of the bucket in a water dome that can extend 10 miles high.

It seems the administration thinks cars can do this, and however they plan to do it stumbles. It must be their supreme genius. The only way I can think they're doing this is that they expect us to park on top of each other. I guess will work if you car happens to be a bicycle. Last time I checked, cars crush each other when they are on top of one another, but the administration seems to be able to violate the laws of physics, and that AMAZES me. They must be the embodiment of EXTREME intelligence I have not yet been able to whitness in my life time.

And, I mean, generally traffic paterns are designed to meet the demand upon the roads. However, for some reason so supremely intelligent I cannot understand, they've made the demands meet the roadway. Fascinating.

These people are so intelligent, I feel dumb.