Friday, December 31, 2004

Martian Rovers

I remember about a week after when the Martian rovers first landed, they were saying "oh, yea, we've completed our primary mission." First off, what the hell was their primary mission? There seriously is not that much to look at on Mars except a bunch of dust, how can you really have a special mission?

Second, why the hell were millions of dollars spent on a mission that lasted a week? What the hell! If you're going to wait months for a probe to arrive somewhere, let alone spend millions of dollars on it, should the mission only last a week?

Saturday, December 18, 2004

Two Stupid Jokes

Ok, these two stupid jocks are at a Christmas party, and one of them says to the other, "Hey, I've got the best pick upline." The other responds, "Oh yea? Show me." So the first one approaches a girl and says,
"Do I ring a bell?"
"Eh... no. Why?"
"Oh, well, I was worried my dick is so long that I might have bumped into one on accident."

Ok, here's another one. A guy is forced into a "race oriented" class of some kind. He walks in, furious, and says to the the teacher,
"I want to see my councelor immediately. I am switching out of this class."
"Wha... why?"
"First, it violates my rights, second, it's a waste of time, and third, I'm terrible at running."

Monday, December 13, 2004

Better Blog

I need a better fucking blog. I've got so many posts I have no idea if it's possible to navigate through them with any sanity.

Sunday, December 12, 2004


I'm tired of incompetent people teaching me incompetent things in incompetent ways in instructional environments.

"Fill out this worksheet. It's 10 pages long. Then you can write an essay."

Why can't I just skip to the essay? I know that I won't have a big dumb worksheet in the future when I write essays, so the more you give me these retarded things the more stupid I become.

Oooh, one of my teachers gave me this one the other day.

"X teacher gives you stacks of work, and because she gives you so much that you're forced to do it in my class, I'm going to give you twice as much work as her so you can do it in her class."

Don't blame me if "DIE" is scratched in anonymous teacher Y's desk, because I didn't do it. I swear.

"You must fill out this worksheet as you read the chapter."

In college, I will not have worksheets to fill out as I read the chapter. Infact, I won't get worksheets. If I'm supposed to be in a college level course, why are you putting these crutches on us? Aren't we supposed to shine like magic stars of glimmering light and death and stuff? Some of us need the crutches, but those of us who are strong can make it through without them. We are strong enough.


When I do something, I go all the fucking way. In Risk, if I attack, it's full army concentration. If I go out with someone, it's dedicated and all the way (no pun intended). If I buy a flashlight, it's no whoosee one with a AA battery, it's 3,000,000 candle power, sucka.

I wanted a full level college class. Instead, I got busy work jammed down my throat. We had a summer reading assignment for the unnamed class. I busted my ass on it and wrote fifteen pages. There was quite a bit of BS fluff, but when I got a 15/28 or something like that, and the guy who wrote a single fucking page got a perfect score, I was ticked off as anybody. Infact, after hearing what most people got, there seemed to be a trend. The less you wrote, the higher score you got.

I don't know, I just figured that people who put more time in an assignment would do a little better than those who didn't. I dunno.

The Failure That Would Have Been The Confederate States of America

Assume that the Union lost the Civil War. The CSA would remain an independent nation. However, the South's advocation of state's rights would have caused them to split into independent nations eventually, resulting in their total downfall.

South West Asia

Why is the Midwest called the Midwest? It actually isn't the Midwest anymore, it is the mideast. However, Middle East was already taken by Southwest Asia. That, however, doesn't make much sense either, but neither did the guys who named it the Middle East. They were a bunch of crazed religious zealots anyway.

In the end, as a result, the Midwest is called the Midwest because of a bunch of 1000 year old morons.

Ban Tobacco; Legalize Marijuana

Tobacco tar is radioactive. Marijuana tar is not.

Inflated claims of marijuana's potential harm (in comparison to tobacco's) are caused by the lack of the same filters cigarettes have on joints.

Wednesday, December 08, 2004

Teenage Sex (That's right, fuck you)

Morons often compare teenage sex to a car. See, those who support giving teenagers easier access to birth control say that sex is a car, and birth control is the seat belts. It helps protect from disaster and it can save your life. Opponents, those who support abstenence, believe adults simply should not give teenagers the car, period.

They make a fatal mistake, however. Inorder for teenagers to not receive the car, they would have to have their genitalia removed. That would be poor legislation. Maybe.

Infact, the world would be a much better place if condoms were government issue and free. Teens who possibly would engage in risky behaviors would be protected from making total fools of themselves.

The general restraint of sex among teens is dangerous. They may end up in scenarios where they are exposed to other dangers. For example, two adolescents who want to engage in intercourse park in a dark alley. They get mugged, their car stolen, and they die naked in a puddle and are half rotted carcases before the police can get to them. However, had the poor victims been alotted to fuck in a safter location, this waste of young life could have been averted.

As Maddox would say, "If you disagree, blow me."

The Da Vinci Code

If you search for The Da Vinci Code on Google, a significant portion of the matches turn out to be pages condoning the book that were created by religious zealots. These pages state that the majority of the content in the book is false, afterwards preceeding to state some peculiar Bible verse in defense of their opinion. These attacks, however, are easily refutable for a variety of reasons.

First and foremost, a lot of the attacks attempt to defend modern religious standards with Bible verses. To do so, however, is ridiculous since the Da Vinci code questions the validity of the Bible as a pure religious document. Since the foundation of their argument is not defended, their whole argument falls down.

These websites also have a major flaw in that they fail to create an unbiased argument. Instead of being comparative, many sites show extreme bias by failing to address both sides of the controversey over the book. This does not necessarily make their arguments invalid, but it does show that they did not analyze the book in an unbiased manner.

People who disenfranchise the book based on its use of "false" or "controversial" historical information fail to recognize the other side's facts as potentially accurate. Not all historical facts in the book were entirely true, but many of them were generalizations and not completely false. Also, just because the facts do not follow the traditional view of Judeo-Christo-Roman history does not mean the book's facts are false either. Our concept of history is not set in stone, it always changes.

In the end, it really doesn't matter whether the facts in the book are accurate or not. People believe what they want to, and the book became popular because people are truly tired of believing what is pressed upon them from the past till now. In the words of John Lennon, "Christianity will go. It will vanish and shrink." ( The Da Vinci Code is merely a catalyst.

Tuesday, December 07, 2004


There is no difference between us and other species except for very minor variations in appearance. At the core, all species are practically direct replications of one another.

Thursday, December 02, 2004

Congressional Aides

They read the bills; they have the power.

Wednesday, December 01, 2004

As Of Late

To anyone whom I know personally,

As of late, I know I have been an ass, and I apologize. Please let me know if you think I have been an ass as of late so I may apologize to you directly. I have no intent to offend anyone who has not done so to me, but my awareness of the reprocussions of my actions of late has become far weaker due to a variety of personal factors I cannot control.

Danke schon,
Pope Dan Simonson, Emperor of the Moon, KSC