Sunday, November 21, 2004

An Extension onto a proposal of Johnathan Swift

Since crazy neo-conservative goons plan on illegalizing abortion (which I feel is the most important thing to worry about in a world of disease, famine, and civil strife) is the most important solution to all the world's problems, ever, I figure it is necessary to end this run on sentence and start a new one. Maybe a new paragraph too.

After abortion is illegalized, we'll have a lot of children to spare. Since children are "our nation's most precious natural resource" (I read it off a bumper sticker the other day so I know it has to be true, valid, and, infact, it is what converted me to this most devine cause), they aren't any different from corn or trees. We eat corn, and since children are a natural resource too, I figured we should eat children too like Johnathan Swift suggested to. We'd have to modernize his ideas a little, but it will all work out.

The children left by their parents can be put into different areas. The first is for children under two. Those children will be truly eaten. They will be harvested in two ways. The first is what I like to call, in the worlds of Golem, "raw and wriggling." You get a fresh baby from the store, smash it's skull in, and cook it. Even cooler, just bite right into its head and skip the cooking process! Japanese restaurants ought to be successful selling their new "baby sushi."

The second way to harvest a child under two is the rapid growth method. This method is a little messy, but it works. First, massive, multi-story buildings are set up with miles and miles of equipment set up to sustain the babies. The babies' jaws are removed from their heads, the babies' genitalia is removed, and the baby is hooked up to a poop "toob" and a feeding "toob." The babies are pumped full of carbohydrates, fat, sterorids, amino acids, and other nutrients. Ideally, the babies will grow to a massive size and will be harvested to the poor in the region of thud.

Children over two would be used for genetics research and as slaves for corporations.

Why not illegalize abortion when all these benefits are avaliable.


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